Are you sick and tired of the squabbles you and your partner have about money?
Are you confused about how to manage money as a couple?
Is one of you a debtor, lender, or spender while the other would rather have a big savings account?
It’s a well-known fact that couples argue more about sex and money than anything else. And for couples who have a conflicted financial relationship, it can seem as if there is no solution.
That’s because most money arguments have nothing to do with money. They are mostly about power and the need for love and affection. But without some kind of training or education, in the middle of a money fight, it’s pretty hard to figure out what’s really going on.
Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to help many couples learn how to have rational discussions about money—without the fighting, without the tears, without the blame.
One couple recently thanked me for helping to save their marriage. They were in terrible financial shape when we first started working together, and both of them had to agree to use the tools I taught them in order to stop their habitual conflicts.
It took a few months, but they finally got on track. The wife learned how to express what she really needed, and the husband came to understand why he was such a compulsive debtor. With determination and a willingness to learn a few basic financial skills, they pulled themselves out of their financial mess and went on to build a successful joint consulting practice.
Whether your relationship is brand new or long-standing, learning how to have a conflict-freeconversation about money and making rational decisions about spending, saving, and investing--despite a difference in values--will enhance your relationship.
Is there really hope?
Because of my years of experience dealing with money issues that people bring to our coaching sessions, it has become fairly easy for me to quickly recognize how old emotional issues are being acted out via a couple’s finances.
Anger, shame, abandonment, deprivation, and a host of other feelings often bubble up through money. Within couples, this can be magnified when one partner projects their family-of-origin issues onto the other.
As part of the coaching I do with couples, we sort out the emotions that are creeping into financial discussions. We also focus on practical solutions to financial discomforts.
With the kind of coaching that I do, you can:
Learn how to effectively communicate about money without blame, guilt, or shame
Overcome financial vagueness so you can develop no-hassle financial strategies and have effective money conversations
Develop the ability to monitor shared financial responsibilities with detachment rather than emotional upheaval
Understand the internal need that leads to debting, lending, and overspending so that these habits can be controlled
Build trust in each other by learning to be responsible financially
Create a rational spending and savings plan that satisfies both of you
Finding Workable Solutions
Let’s fact it, money is a tough topic, especially when two people are involved. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of judgement and blame.
That’s why I maintain a detached, impartial position as I gently guide my clients towards workable solutions.
I make the assumption that no one is to blame. Whatever situation has developed is because two people with potentially different styles and personal needs have come together and are trying to earn enough to manage their money so they can enjoy life. There’s a good chance that one or both partners have minimal financial management skills and this makes the problem even worse.
So during our first coaching session, we sort things out and plan some small steps, starting where you are right now. For many clients, this means something as simple as deciding on a the best money-tracking system and how to divide up financial tasks. Nothing drastic.
And while we are talking about the small changes that need to be implemented, we look at how each of you is responding internally and I suggest actions you can take to raise your comfort levels.
No final plans are put into place unless they feel right to each partner. We also examine your natural resistance to change and give you techniques for overcoming this resistance.
Is Coaching Right for You?
If both you and your partner have s strong desire to straighten out your finances and develop a conflict-free financial relationship, and if you are willing to be guided through proven steps to financial recovery, then coaching can provide great returns for a minimal investment.
Clients are often amazed at how quickly I can identify the family-of-origin patterns and old emotional habits that are acting themselves out through finances. Often, during the very first session we identify core issues that cause financial conflict.
The fact is that couples who are committed to finding a new way of being together financially can rapidly make positive changes with my gentle guidance and ongoing support.
Here are two examples of comments that clients have made to me:
"What a blessing to be able to have rational money discussions! Before working with you, we constantly argued about money, and I was quick to blame my husband for our difficulties. It never occurred to me that I was reliving an old family drama though our relationship. Once I understood what I actually needed from the conflicts, I was able to alter my behavior and work with my husband towards solvency instead of against him.” --Charlene D. Austin, TX
"Being in our mid-fifties, my wife and I were concerned about our lack of retirement funds, and although we wanted to build assets, it was slow to happen. Getting old issues out of the way that we didn’t even know were there, opened up new avenues of possibilities while we made significant changes in how we managed our money. After only six months, there is a noticeable, positive difference and we are on our way to financial sanity and security. Thank you for your help and guidance." --Mike G, Santa Fe, NM
To find out if we can work well together, I like to have a free introductory phone call with couples who are considering coaching, so you can ask questions and we can see if there is a fit.
As a result of this call, if we decide to work together, we set up a coaching schedule that is comfortable for both of you.
At the end of each session, you are given specific actions to follow and you can email me regularly with updates or for suggestions. I’m here to support and guide you.
My goal is to provide a safe, nurturing environment where you can freely express your financial concerns as we work together to find solutions that will strengthen your relationship and your finances.
Take the Step Forward Today!
My style of coaching as been called “respectfully rigorous.” I honor and respect who you are and where you are in your life’s journey, and I keep you both on track as I guide you through the process of change. My clients often say that I have a motherly, reassuring approach that is totally non-threatening—and it gets results.
If that’s what you are looking for, then let’s talk. All you need to do is email me to let me know when you are available between the hours of 10:30 AM and 5:30 PM EST and we can set up an appointment to talk. I can have this conversation with you alone or with you and your partner. My email address is Joan@Sotkin.com.
Whether your relationship is brand new or long standing, coming to terms with your financial conflicts can greatly enhance the enjoyment you experience on a daily basis. Getting your finances under control is always empowering and leads to a greater sense of self-esteem for both you and your partner. And this always enhances a relationship.
I look forward to the possibility of working with you and your partner.
Sincerely,
Joan Sotkin
President, Prosperity Place, Inc.
Author of Build Your Money Muscles: Nine Simple Exercises for Improving Your Relationship with Money
P. S. Based on my experience, I can guess that you and your partner have probably been struggling with this issues for a long time. Now you have the opportunity to deal with your financial conflicts once and for all. So email Joan@Sotkin.com today and we can set up an appointment for your free consultation.
Prosperity Place®
Santa Fe, New Mexico
888-779-5626 | 505-471-8594
